Welcome to the episode where a Frosty meets a Federal Drug Test. We open with Casey, Nick, Damien, and (eventually) Turtle live from the ManCave, juggling three sacred Louisiana pastimes: LSU panic, Saints coping, and Wendy’s DTB detective work. Bring your Baconator fries and a cup for testing—HR says hi.

We go full Zapruder film on Brian Kelly’s post-Florida clapback and LSU’s choice to run the Tecmo Bowl Starter Kit (Run, Short Pass, Punt, Pray). Damien presents the Nuss Torso Conspiracy like he’s hosting Coast to Coast AM: “They’ve pacifiered the offense to protect Nuss. Joe Sloan’s calling plays with oven mitts.” BK admits he’s handcuffing the menu; Damien prints the “Joe Sloan Vanilla Offense” shirt anyway (sued by Blue Bell at 11). Meanwhile, LSU’s defense is busy committing theft—five picks vs Florida, 27 points allowed in three games, Perkins flattening QBs like a Cast Iron Special—and we still find a way to be furious about a 20–10 cover. You know, Louisiana normal.

Then the Buzz Off hotline hits: Coach Alan Wilts (Raceland Middle) joins and casually mentions a 32–0 shutout of E.D. White like it’s a Kroger receipt. He lays out why Lafourche needs a middle-school playoff (money, excitement, and “stop handing out participation banners”), shouts out a 28-man “small army” that actually knows their playbook, and previews CLHS studs who can ruin your Friday (hello, Jeremy Cleveland, Tamir Crandall, Booty Dade). It’s half TED Talk, half pep rally, and 100% “why isn’t this guy running the parish?”

We detour into the Saints’ 0–2 character-building arc: Rattler’s feisty, Kellen Moore refuses to sneak on 4th-and-2 vs a one-man front (modern art), Olave plays “Tag, but I’m Base,” and somehow we’re saying “hey, not as bad as expected” while being exactly as bad as expected. Can Carr flip two L’s into therapy wins? Depends. On everything.

National nonsense: Crawford boxed Canelo’s ears off, Arch got serenaded by the boo birds and now leads his team in existential yards per carry, and every “QB1 of the future” looks like he’s throwing a wet towel. Heisman/No. 1 pick odds get read aloud like a jump-scare. Also: dodo birds might return (because apparently Jurassic Park was a tutorial), Houma traffic has become a sentient BOSS LEVEL, and yes—someone dialed Mike Jones. Who? Exactly.

And then comes the true-crime segment: Wendy’s “Coming DTB”. A Facebook post promises managers, locations (plural), and applications via mysterious text code—because what screams “legit” more than “Text ARTX-15DF0083 to 31063”? We deep-dive like it’s the Zapata Oil case: grass-cutting alibis, pressure-wash timelines, and opening day circled on December 2 (allegedly). Verdict: Frosty? Maybe. Frosty Scam? Definitely content. We’ll be there with a mic and a thermometer.

Plus: an Australian in Tiger Stadium who treats Brad Wing like Ric Flair, a punt praise kink we should probably unpack, and a sincere “playoffs for the kids” campaign you’ll want to clip and send to every AD and principal from Raceland to Golden Meadow.

TL;DR: LSU wins and we’re still mad, the Saints lose and we’re kinda proud, Raceland rolls 32–0, Canelo got Bud’d, Arch got boo’d, dodos got un-extinct’d, and Wendy’s might get built by text message. Five stars, one cup, no onions.